As your parents grow older, your relationship with them inevitably evolves. Conversations may shift from casual banter to more serious discussions about health, finances, and long-term care (start the conversation sooner rather than later, WA Cares Funds says).
While it's natural to want the best for your aging parents, how you communicate is just as important as what you communicate. Certain caregiving communication tips need to be used. Certain phrases, even if spoken with good intentions, can hurt or create tension.
Here are 8 things not to say to your aging parents, along with alternative approaches to foster understanding and maintain a strong bond.
When older adults repeat stories or facts, it's often unintentional. Memory changes are a natural part of aging, and they might not realize they've told the same story multiple times. Saying, "You already told me this," can come across as dismissive or impatient.
Instead, try: Listening with interest, even if it's a story you've heard before. Respond with, "I love hearing about that. Tell me more."
This approach of talking to aging parents shows respect and keeps the conversation positive, strengthening their confidence in sharing with you.
Saying this can make your parents feel underestimated or incapable. Aging doesn't mean giving up on hobbies, dreams, or new experiences (this will allow them to stay sharp as they get older, Scientific American tells us). Discouraging them can damage their self-esteem and independence.
Instead, try: Supporting their interests while addressing potential safety concerns tactfully. Say, "That sounds exciting! Let's figure out a safe way to make it happen."
Encouraging their ambitions while being mindful of limitations creates a sense of collaboration rather than control.
This phrase can feel like a direct attack on their independence. Even if living alone is no longer the best option, phrasing it this way may lead to resistance or hurt feelings.
Instead, try: Discussing your concerns with empathy: "I've noticed some things that worry me, and I want to make sure you're safe and happy. Can we talk about this together?"
This approach invites them into the decision-making process rather than making it feel imposed.
As your parents age, they may struggle with technology, current trends, or even recalling certain information. A comment like this can make them feel embarrassed or out of touch.
Instead, try: Offering to explain or guide them without judgment: "That's okay-it's a bit tricky. Let me show you how it works."
Being patient and supportive encourages them to ask for help in the future without fear of judgment.
While it's essential to discuss financial planning and end-of-life matters, bringing it up abruptly can feel cold or insensitive. Your parents might perceive it as though you're prioritizing their assets over their well-being.
Instead, try: Framing the discussion around their peace of mind: "I want to make sure your wishes are honored, and it might help to talk about some of these things. When would be a good time to discuss it?"
Giving them control over the timing of such conversations shows respect for their autonomy.
If your parent tells you about a problem or challenge they've been facing, avoid responding with frustration or blame for not involving you sooner. This can make them feel guilty or hesitant to share concerns in the future.
Instead, try: Focusing on the present: "I'm glad you told me. Let's figure this out together."
Showing gratitude for their trust builds an open line of communication going forward.
Reminding your parents of their age may seem harmless, but it can come off as patronizing or dismissive. Aging doesn't mean they're incapable of enjoying life or making decisions. Conducting respectful conversations with seniors needs a different approach.
Instead, try: Encouraging a positive outlook: "You have so much wisdom and experience. How can I help you enjoy life to the fullest?"
This reframes the conversation in a way that acknowledges their value and promotes their sense of purpose.
While it might seem easier to take over tasks or decisions for your parents, doing so without their consent can make them feel disempowered. They may perceive it as you undermining their ability to manage their own lives.
Instead, try:
This approach gives them the opportunity to maintain control while accepting assistance when needed.
Effective communication with aging parents isn't just about avoiding certain phrases; it's about fostering a relationship built on mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. This is how to support elderly parents in the best manner possible.
Aging parents value their independence, and how you speak to them can either bolster or diminish their sense of autonomy.
Kind and respectful communication deepens trust and strengthens your bond, making challenging conversations easier.
You don't need to become a saint when speaking to your elderly parents. But here are some tips to help you become better at communication in general.
Navigating conversations with aging parents can be challenging, but small changes in how you communicate can make a big difference. Our list of 8 things not to say to your aging parents is just a start.
Finding a good senior living community for them to stay at is another step as well. With Cardinal Place Assisted Living, your parents get compassionate care in a home-like setting. With individual care plans for each resident and a lively, stimulating activities calendar, you know your parents are in good hands with us.
Schedule a tour of our assisted living community today.